Cermit Talks

I have no idea what I am doing. Most people have something they want, something they go after, even if its something small. Like finding a job, or going to school. I have nothing I want. I have nothing. I can pinpoint the moment I lost all of my ambitions. I literally have nothing I can work for. I guess the only thing is being happy. With that is my partner and moving in with him. But I still have moments that I feel useless and sad. Sad that I can't just have a normal dream like other people. I feel like everyone around me knows what the want. They are going for it and I'm doing nothing. "go out and do something" well it's not that easy, I wish I could just come up with a Passion other than my love. But once we move in and be happy together I know it will be enough, I just need to make it there.

Today eight years ago, you passed away. I was 10 years old. Every day I think of you and what could have been. I think of all the things we could have done, and everything your friends and doctors said at your funeral. But mostly I think about how I hope I make you proud. I know I don't do much and don't have medals or plaques. But I hope that you understand everything I endured. And I hope you see how sick my mother is. I wonder all the time if you where here would she have never turned into this, or would you have protected me. I try to not think of you sometimes hoping it will make me feel better. I have gotten better than I was. I used to cry to anything that reminded me of the smallest thing about you. During memorial this year they played a song that makes me think of you. I cried more than I think I have in a while. All I could think about is how I hope you're happy. I miss you. I may not be a strong believer in god but I hope you're happy, and I hope you'

When time is taken from you by your past self you find yourself blaming others. Right now I am far away from the one I love and if I had known him then, I would have never agreed to be so far apart. It won’t be long before I can return to his caring arms. But I fear my anxiety worsens the more I breath. I worry that words are just texts again and nothing more. I worry that I will receive more texts than time because it’s easier. I worry that in the time that I am gone he will find faults in me and find none in another while I sit her madly in love and heartbroken again. Though I trust him more than I have anyone else. I see him not as another boyfriend but as someone I care deeply about that the past ones might as well be nonexistent except for the fact that they lead me to him. I trust his words and his smile more than anyone. I want to be happy, in a few days I will, in a few days I will return to his arms and forget about everything else. If I could just have him and nothing else

It feels weird coming back. When I was young I moved around. We had settled in a town that I soon called home. When I got a little older we moved again and I found a new home. The old one feels like a distant memory or a land that does not exist. When I come through and see things that feel like flashes from a dream I get a weird feeling. Not bad or good, just a feeling. Maybe I miss it, maybe I don’t. I just feel as though it’s not real. That this town was made just for me, maybe that’s my childhood memory but it’s still my memory. I forget that all things are connected. I’ll see different spots that stuck in my mind and they can all be on the same street, or not many streets away. When thinking of it as a child’s imagination, each important spot can be miles away, but right next to each other at the same time. As a child, you don’t see the roads the same as you do when you get older. A road leads somewhere and it’s the same no matter what day you take. But as a child the road i

Sometimes I don't stop to smell the roses. Or more so I don't stop to take a picture of them. I love photography and have taken a photography class, but for a long time, I was too scared to share the photos. Not because I didn't like them but because I was scared people would take it. It was an irrational fear that overcame me for a long time. Only recently did I feel okay to post. It's something that's hard to think about since it still pops up in my head. I talked about how I recently got a Tumblr and I have made a nature blog. I feel like it gives me the motivation to stop and take pictures. Everywhere I walk I can see things that I feel would be a beautiful photo but a lot of the time I do not feel it is worth it since I never shared them. Since I have the blog, I want to stop and share this beauty with the world. I hope that someone finds it beautiful because I know it is.

I need refreshment. In my environment, I need to change. In my past, I personally felt my first two relationships just sort of happened. And when I lost that I was alone and my environment was something that connected me to all of it. When I say my environment I mostly mean my room since I practically live in my room. I did not redo my room because I got dumped. But because I actually had the opportunity for change and instead of sitting in the past of everything, I wanted to find something new. I actually had the money and the time and the motivation for change to make what I wanted. I completely redid my room, I painted, I got all new furniture. It was something that was very important to me. Every once in a while after that when I feel I am in any sort of slump, I find myself hating my environment. Mostly for the fact when I get into a slump I became messier and things seem to be more cluttered. Today I cleaned and reorganized. I feel better, I feel like it opens a new light to m

I recently got back on Tumblr. Tumblr and I have an interesting background. I used to use it a lot more. But overall when it came to things that I make myself I can get very selfish. But I am actually past that now. I currently have a nature blog and a game blog. Before I would post things that were mine but be very careful because I was so worried about people taking my things. I realized multiple things to get me past that ridiculous fear. Now I post my own things and I share others that continue my theme. I am hoping that maybe through Tumblr I can help get my word out. By connecting to people in more personal ways and than eventually sharing my blog there hoping people will connect through there. I want to connect to people but I know that writing can not always connect people especially since I am not just writing but I have a love for other things that just don't fit here.

I graduated. It was something else honestly. It feels weird to not be going back but I am more than happy. Everyone was telling me, adults and peers, that the time flew fast, that it felt short. I wish it did. High school felt long and hard. Not even now it feels slow, I can remember every single moment. The senior year even felt longer. I have been waiting for this moment for so long time. I can remember every heartbreak and how a week felt like a year. I can remember every time a teacher would make my life harder for no reasons. I wish I could say it was the best experience but it wasn't. But it wasn't the worst either. Honestly, if I could use a word it would be "long". Simple as that, it was long. I am excited for what is next but at the same time, I have no idea where I am going. Currently just trying to finish what's on my plate and maybe digest before getting another one.

The Cannastick Slim is a CBD oil e-liquid starter kit. It comes with a 280 mAh battery, a tank, a mouthpiece, a charger, and a leather case. {I got the gold pen but there are other colors} The pen, when ordered, does not come with any instructions other than telling you to put the e-liquid into the container and hold the button. But if you have ever even seen a vape pen that's actually pretty common knowledge. So I decided to help out anyone who buys it. Guide: When the pen is plugged in the little light on the charger has two colors. Red means it is charging and not done, while when it turns green that means it's done and you can take it off. This is ONLY the light on the charger, not the pen. The pen has different modes and different colors. With 5 clicks you can turn on and off the pen. When the pen is off none of the other clicks work. 3 clicks change the main color of the light on the pen. It circles between red, green, blue, and back again. 2 clicks turn on what

Every time I have a discussion with my friend, other people will join in and assume its a debate. Why? Personally, I think it's our violent and need to be right ways that make us assume if it can be a debate it is. We have talked about plenty of stuff, obviously, but there is a specific reason its never a debate. We have talked about a thing like engagement or promise rings, which you can find on my blog, and it was never about proving the other person or trying to convince them you were right. It was about being open minded. In my personal opinion debating is trying to prove/convince that you are right while discussing is trying to understand why the other person thinks like that. When discussing promise rings, I could never understand why she did not think it was necessary. After having a discussion I found out it was because she didn't need to wait as long as me to have an engagement. With this discussion, I learned a new perspective which made me think of my own. I learn

Keeping dedicate to online activities is something that brings me much joy. Things like YouTube, blogging, and Instagram. Real life commitments can be daunting, but online I have found ways to be myself. Keeping up with things that can bring me closer to the world and the Internet without things like my reputation or my face stopping me. It gives me the freedom and creativity to be online as I wish. As I have taken up YouTube once again under a different name, I plan to stay dedicated which I feel is one of the most important things about online personas/accounts, or whatever you'd like to call it. As long as you stay dedicated and don't let anything get in your way I feel like we can achieve anything.

I have mixed feeling with heat. Natural heat I try and avoid at all costs. Summer and the sun is my least favorite season and weather. I personally can appreciate a nice day after a long winter bothers another wise I prefer the cold. But with that home heat is something I do not look past. I went the last entire winter without heat in the house, and though I love cold weather overall, I'd prefer to feel my feet. Most of all I absolutely love a hot shower. The heat is a moment that I can feel the water and it is insane how it can be warm outside but I can still enjoy a hot shower. Over the last 6 months, I have gotten to appreciate hotter showers. Heat is something I can appreciate, as long as I can control it. Controlling heat gives me more appreciation for it.

I have a dragon. Or so I think I do. I am not exactly sure what he is but I am almost sure he's part dragon, and maybe a part cat. He's really fluffy. He has eyes of golden sky's. He shares the colors of white and a golden brown. He is hard to catch just like any rare creature. But when you capture him you can horde him with hugs. He is extremely wonderful to cuddle. And sometimes, if you sit still, and shut the door, he will rub on you. He will use his head to rub things. He also has a mane which is fun to fluff. And rarely, when he has not been disturbed, he will make his noises at the door, from the other side. When he's trying to escape my grasp he finds himself on the floor dragging his fluffy body by his paw. One nail at a time. His noises are special as well. They are neither cat nor dragon, they are his. I love this dragon.