When are you going to get a real job?

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My mother has always hurt me emotionally for a very long time. She has never supported me in things. The only things she has supported my I hated to the point of wanting to kill myself. I am not just saying that at that moment I was extremely low, and to think back and those where the only things she supported me on honestly hurts. Those three things where my past two jobs, and an organization. She forced me into all of them. My first job wasn't bad but she made me grow to hate it because I had to deal with her. The other I came home crying after every shift. The organization its self was not bad but how she forced me and how I felt. I have a shop and for the last two weeks I have been working extremely hard and spent a lot of time and money in this shop. Yesterday she asked me "When are you going to get a real job?" She says tons of things against me that hurts and as often as possible I try and brush them off. Late that night it started festering. I was laying in bed and things were off but it was all I could think about. I got up and got some water and texted my sister and asked if she thought I was doing good. I stood there for a while taking sips and just thinking horrible things. I went back into the room where my boyfriend was and he sensed something was wrong. He asked and I told. But the minute I said it out loud I started crying. I didn't feel sad but it just did. I talked it out and felt a little better. I didn't realize how much it hurt me until then. It's nothing new in my life for my mother to cause harm. It is just the fact that I am working so hard and she has done nothing to support me. Just like when I renovated my room, she did nothing, actually made me have to backtrack. I don't care about her in any way but it still hurts. I am trying to do something that makes me happy, something that I can do, but no matter what I do it's never enough for me to be happy. I didn't have a place I was going with this, I guess I just wanted to write it down, maybe help someone, I know it will get better, I just have to deal with it now..

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