Struggles Of Happiness or Pleasing Other People



I think the hardest thing about being an adult is finding purpose in life. Like I feel like everyone you ask has a slightly different opinion on what makes you successful or good at being alive. That seems weird that you have to justify being good at life. Why? Can't people just enjoy themselves and not have to worry about the fact that their life isn't others? 


For the past few years since I turned 18, I have been working on my mental health. I felt for a while that it has gotten really good and I felt very successful and good. But no matter who I talked to nothing I ever do seems to be enough. There's always more money to make, there's always a better place to live, there are always pounds to lose, there's always something. Why? I don't get it. I can be happier than 80% of the people in the world but if I don't have a job I'm worthless to that same 80%. Why is it that we justify our lives on crazy big steps? People constantly judge me because I still live with my mother. But if I had a kid people wouldn't look twice. I mean if I had a kid there would still be things that people would complain about. But I feel like if you are naming money, losing money to making money, having a kid, or getting married your life is useless and you aren't doing enough. I don't want any of those yet. I want to explore passion and happiness and love. 


I don't have a dream in life, I have no dream job or passion like others. My own mother had a kid at 20 and spent 15 years as a stay at home mom. Can I not be a stay at home mom to my cat? I want to find something that I want to strive for. how are you ever going to find what you want or explore the world when you are stuck at a dead-end job with depression up the wazzo? I know other people feel the same way just none of them are around me. On the internet I find people that feel the exact same way, they don't want to work just to provide so that my children can work. It is an endless cruel cycle. I want to have passion and happiness. I would be fine being homeless if I had the one I love. I have been to before. People take so much for granted. But at the same time, people care so little about themselves sometimes that they'd rather spend their entire life unhappy. I don't want that. I have spent so long being unhappy. 


If I did have to choose a passion this would be one of them. I want to inspire people. I want to bring joy. 


I also crochet, I have had two commissions which is amazing. It makes me sad to think when I told someone the first thing they said was "That's it?" People choose to care more about money and materials than happiness. Crocheting makes me happy, the main reason I started selling is that I do it so often and have so much might as well make other people happy. If you possibly want to check out some of my stuff here is where I sell my creations. 


I want people that feel the same way to know you aren't alone, and you have every right. This world is not just a place you work to die. Make your mark on the world. Do what makes you happy. I support you even if no one else does. 

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