How I Have Been - December 2020

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It has been hard to keep up posts lately. I have so many ideas and by the time I get the chance to write them, I have lost interest in the game or subject making it insanely hard to get any work done. I have ADHD and I can't focus for too long. But because of the type of content I want to create I need more time, I need to be able to focus for a longer period of time to create these complicated posts I wish to create. I think it has also just been a hard year with covid and trying to be positive in such a hard time. It has been a rough year, my mental health has been up and down. I was doing so well before this year had started. Even during all these things were looking up just as things had to be shut down. I have so many ideas and I'm having so much trouble getting them down. Even though I have been lacking in posts I have been working hard on lots of things. 

I have a  redbubble that I haven't shared before because I don't like sharing things anymore until I know they work/will last. And with redbubble, I have been making some money. They decided this year to do the yearly payment in December, and since I haven't met the threshold this will be the first time I am being paid. I will update once I get paid but it makes me excited. 


I recently died and cut my hair on my own. I have died it before but never cut it as much as I did this time. And I feel more confident than ever. I have a lot of trouble with dissociation that I've had for years. There are times I look in the mirror and don't see myself and cry. But I've been trying to make more decisions for myself lately and not care what my family will comment on, and trust me they had their opinions. But when I look in the mirror I see myself. I'll look at pictures and see me but also not at the same time. I see what I want to be, which I already am but I don't think I have processed it. I had a gym membership but since the newest shut down it hasn't been able to open. Just for clarification, I would wear a mask the entire time and clean everything before and after. I miss going to the gym. I don't go to lose weight, I go because I feel good, I feel tired, but I feel good. It's a weird thing. 


I have been crocheting as well, trying new things. All my old projects are wrapped for Christmas which makes me happy. Without any money, I was able to gift about 17 people 4 gifts each that I hand made, not including paintings I made for some of my more favorite people. Obviously, I don't know if everyone will like everything I made them, but at least I finally get to get rid of my clutter of crochet stuff. Honestly, I don't mind if people don't like the stuff, as long as they don't tell me I'm fine. Because I know some of my stuff is older and not as great as some of the stuff I make now, but it needs a home and if they want to give it away that's okay, just hopefully not to my goodwill.


This was just some stuff on my mind. I will really try to get more content out. I have been streaming on twitch if you want to check it out, I also post the streams to my youtube. 

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