Hyperfixation and Blogging

 


If you don't know I have ADHD and the more as I get older, and the more I use TikTok, I learn more about my ADHD than I ever thought. Growing up I thought ADHD was just looking at squirrels and not being able to sit still. This last year I learned the word neurodivergent and my world has been opened. I learned that at times I thought I was just lazy or just not working as hard, it was actually my ADHD. These things I have to work hard for come easy for others. 


When I tried to talk about how I played games I would say that I want to play a game, but my brain won't let me like I can pull it up but I won't have fun even if I want to, and that's why I am playing this other game now even if I want to finish what I was going on the other one. And no one ever understood. Even my best friend was confused and didn't understand. It is hyper fixation. My brain overfocuses on something where I play it for days, weeks at a time. I do play other games when my friends play because even if I am not having fun in the game itself I am with my friend and it is kind of an override. 


That being said when I play a game and fixate on it I think of all these wonderful blog ideas that I cant wait to make, but by the time I go to make them I am on a different game, and since I just started I don't have any ideas for this new game. And it becomes this horrible cycle where I don't make posts for a while and beat myself up. There are some months that I create really incredible posts I am really proud of. But when I am hyper-fixating or like last week I was insanely sick, I don't produce the content I want. There are posts I can still make but I won't be as proud and I need to find a good middle because I know that there is tons of stuff content creates arent proud of later on and if I focus all day and still create nothing because I'm fearful of bad content I put my self in this place where there's no win. This is not meant to be an excuse or for pity, I wanted to be able to talk about it since I don't feel like it is talked about enough. The struggle of creating content and content you are proud of. As an example I stream on Twitch and I don't watch everything back and I know if I looked back even a few months ago I would not be in love with the content, but I think consistency is more important. even if you have amazing content, that doesn't mean people will see it. I won't create horrible content don't get me wrong but I will not beat myself up.


I am going to try and get a better hold on creating content, thank you for understanding, and reading it means a lot!

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